Crazy Blessed

Life is crazy right now with a one month old - ONE MONTH...one month...she can't be one month old already, she was just born. She's growing too fast already. Each day just flies by so quickly. I'm trying with all my might to hold on, to slow down, to memorize each little moment with her. To remember each little smile, each silly face, everything that she likes and dislikes right now. For tomorrow it will likely change. I'll look up and she will be 5.

Our days are a little disheveled. Or maybe that's just me. Yesterday a friend came by to visit, and even though I knew she was on her way, I couldn't manage to get dressed and put on makeup before she got here. My house was messy. The dogs were dirty. But I had spent the morning rocking my baby while she had a tummy ache. And suddenly I knew what it meant to be a mom. I can't put it into words, I just know that those things suddenly became far less important. My needs...well, they pale in comparison to hers. Taking care of her is my favorite thing. Even when she's fussy and won't sleep.

I always thought that waking up in the middle of the night would be so difficult. Well, I won't lie, it is hard, and I'm tired. It's hard until I walk over to her crib and see her looking up at me with those big beautiful eyes. And then I melt. And then I get to spend an hour feeding her and rocking her until those little eyes get so heavy that they finally close. I try to remember to cherish these quiet moments in the rocking chair while the rest of the world sleeps...

Motherhood is crazy, I've decided. It's the biggest blessing I've ever experienced. But it seems unfair that the days have to fly by so fast. In just a few short weeks I will be expected to return to work. I just don't know how. How will I leave her for a whole day. A 12 hour shift without my love?? I'm pretty sure she will miss me. Will she understand??

I thought I'd share Ella's newborn pictures, for anyone that has not seen them yet. Excuse the big C in the photos.

Make a Smilebox photobook

And while I'm at it, I don't think there is a better song to express how I feel right now...it takes a minute to load on the mp3 player at the bottom of the screen - but soooo worth the wait!
(and you might want to mute the sound on the slide show so you can hear the song)

"Me" - by Plumb

I haven't had
A chance to sleep
And when I wake
I wake with your dreams
I guess my pillow
Holds some kind of key
To your peace
Your peace

Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me

I haven't showered
And I tried to eat
But all your tears
Oh they needed me
I need some time, some time to think
But when I hear you
And what you need is...

Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me

I wash your face
To make room for
All the kisses
Of tomorrow
And every day
That I get to
Be here with you
Is sweet

Me
I wouldn't trade your love for all the candy
In this great big world
Me
I feel so crazy blessed and oh so lucky
To be the place you go
When you need to feel safe
When you need a kiss
It's me

Oh don't be afraid
Cause you'll have is....
Me

This song could not be more true. I've lost count of the times Ella has fallen asleep long enough for me to finally make myself something for lunch, and then I hear her cry. Lunch can wait. It usually does...