Wednesday, June 26, 2013

One day...

One day this little girl of mine will be grown and she will see me for who I am.  A human with faults, flaws, and weaknesses. But for just a little while longer she thinks of me as her hero, the one who hung the moon, who makes all things better, the one who can fix anything, and make her feel better when she's sad or hurt. Today I will cherish that feeling. I will do whatever I can to cultivate these feelings and beliefs for as long as possible. I will enjoy her affection, her passionate hugs and viscous little kisses. I will savor the way she grabs my face with both of her small hands and plants the most fierce kisses I've ever known. I will be ever conscious that my words and my attitude towards her will become her own attitude towards herself. That my belief in her determines her belief in herself. That the way I value her with my time and attention will teach her the true value that she really holds. Because truly, she is a gift. A gift to be cherished and loved on. Not a bother or a distraction from my to- do list. But a treasure to behold and to be poured in to. She is God's gift to me.  One of the sweetest gift I've laid eyes on.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Grace for today.

Ella Maryam,

Oh love, today was not one of my prouder days as a mommy. I lost my temper with you on more than one occasion. I felt awful and asked you to forgive me. You sweetly obliged and hugged me tight. Your little arms wrapped generously around my neck. Grace. Such undeserved forgiveness. From such a kind little heart. These are the moments that humble me. That remind me of that same grace pouring over me from above. How amazing that God can use you, my sweet three year old to remind me of such grace. 

Today I would not have be named mother of the year. Yet you love me with such abandon. Tonight when we picked you and Gracie love up from Maman and Baba's you ran and jumped into my arms. Thank you for forgiving me my love. For showing me the kind of grace I should've shown you when you messed up today. Instead of yelling at you. Oh how you teach me. Oh how He loves me. Blessed is this mommy. Blessed indeed.  And tonight, without knowing of my day, what affirmation and encouragement Maman and Baba lavished upon me. Praising the way I love and raise you girls. Undeserved grace. Constant and unending reminders today from my Father that He is merciful. He is good. He is slow to anger. He is gracious and forgiving when we fall short. Today I fell short as your mommy. But tomorrow I get the gift of a fresh new day. Because His mercies are new every morning. And thankfully, so are yours, my angel. So are yours.  

I love you Ella Maryam. You bless me each day as we learn together. May you and I always be quick to ask for forgiveness. I am blessed to wake up to you kissing my face each morning. So very blessed :)

All my love
Mommy

Monday, February 18, 2013

Where did your first year go?

Sweet baby love, how is it that you are one year old already...that 365 days have passed since I held you for the first time, since you graced us with your sweet presence?  

 


How is it that one year can seem so short, yet it feels like you've always been here with us?  

How is it that it seems like only yesterday that Ella became a big sister and yet I can't remember life without your sweet face?



Gracie, love - you are a joy.  You are so full of energy and excitement that each day is so much fun.  You've reached the stage where everyday is something new - a new word, a new silly thing, a new love that you have.  You have changed so much this past year and I know that your second year will be no different.  I adore everything about you, but these are my absolute favorites:


Your signature scream / shriek / squeal - let it be known that you are here and you demand our attention!  For a little while you gladly donned the nickname "howler monkey" - you earned it my dear, wear it well. In fact, your squeals have not diminished at all, but grown in intensity and are usually much more demanding than they used to be.








Your love for your sister.  It's no secret that you two adore each other.  When you were a tiny baby I'll admit, it seemed a little one-sided.  But the way you follow your big sister around can only mean one thing. You are smitten with her.  And though you pull her hair quite often, and shriek if she touches your white puppy - you love her to pieces.  You are quick to yell if she leaves the room, namely the game room because you can't get down the steps to follow her and are demanding that she come back and either get you down and take you with her, or stay put and play with you there.  You ADORE playing with her in her room and seem to think you are just as big as she is as you sit at the table and have tea parties together or play in the tent with your dream lights.







You are the boss.  No questioning that.  It's so funny because as a baby, you were the most laid back, relaxed little girl.  You were quite, passive, and just content to hang out with whoever would snuggle with you.  And now, while you are still the sweetest little thing with your hugs and kisses and laughter - well, now, you are the boss of the house.  You my dear, rule the roost.  It's hard to really describe why that is.  I think your Aunt Maygee said it best when she told me "I don't think you can have anymore kids because Gracie, well she's just not going to be a middle child."  You are fierce my love.  Simply fierce. I mean that in the sweetest way possible
 


Your infamous "no's"  I have no idea why but you LOVE love LOVE to shake your head no at us.  I guess it's more of that sassy personality coming out.  Regardless, it is hands down hilarious.  We used to ask you questions just to get a good head shake from you.

Gracie, are the aggies going to win the game?  shakes head no
Gracie, can I have a kiss? shakes head no
Gracie, do you wanna go to bed? shakes head no.



Your sweet babble.  You can say a handful of words really well.  Mommy, Daddy, Ella (only a few times), Tucker, thank you, puppy, baby, bye bye, yesterday you said your version of purse, and you've started attempting "please."  The best part about your "talking" however, is sometimes when you babble at us you do it with such conviction and you are usually shaking a finger at us in some way or another.  Daddy and I feel like we are either getting scolded or lectured!  Then there's this conversation that takes place about every 3 minutes:

gracie: momaaaaaa, momaaaaa, momaaaaa!
me: yes gracie?
gracie: long pause as if deciding what to say....momaaaaaa, momaaaaa, momaaaaaa, momyyyyyyy!

I will definitely be sad when all the baby babble is gone and is replaced by perfectly pronounced words.



Your dancing.  It's the best and it makes me dizzy all at the same time.  For the longest time now, as soon as music comes on, you hold up your little pointer fingers and move them around.  You got your momma's moves ;)  Just recently you've switched to endless spinning in circles.  Occasionally you mix it up and do both.  The best is when you try to throw in your head shake with your spinning.  This almost always results in a good spill.



You are a GREAT sleeper - praise the Lord!  After the obligatory lack of sleep as an infant (and trust me you did your duty), you've settled in to be a great sleeper.  You are currently still taking two naps a day and are down for the night by 8:30 if not earlier  You don't get up during the night at all, and if you do, you settle back in on your own without fussing.  I am so thankful, so so so thankful to have a good sleeper :)

 



You are just as silly as can be.  One of my favorite things you do when I'm holding you, if I'm talking to Daddy or Ella, or doing something other than looking at you, you sweetly lean your little head forward and look me right in the eyes and break into the hugest grin as if to say "hellooooo look at me."  You don't scream at me (this time) or anything else, you just smile and stare into my eyes.  It's truly one of my favorites :)


Gracie, love, there are endless things I love about you.  
Actually, I love everything about you.  

I have loved every moment of this past year.  

The good, 
the difficult, 
the silly, 
the sweet, 
the exhausting, 
the exhilarating,
the learning,
the changing,
the growing,
the snuggles,
the kisses and hugs,
the really wet and snotty kisses,
the moments of listening to you babble in my lap as you fight sleep,
the fierce hugs you give me when I get you out of your bed after you wake,
the sweet moments of your head on my shoulder,
the early morning mickey cartoons as we snuggle on the couch before big sister wakes up,
the look of triumph on your face as you slide out of the rocking chair determined not to nap,
the sound of your sweet voice "talking" as you lay in your bed in the mornings after you wake,
the sight of you holding your sister's hand from your car seat in my rear view mirror,
your little hand held out demanding a snack from Ella while riding in the car,
the intense joy on your face when you see your minnie doll - every. single. time. without fail.
the way you hold your little hands out in front of you, opening and closing your fist in excitement when you see something or someone that you want,
the look of pure mischievousness as you contemplate taking something from Ella,
the speed at which you run after your mission has been accomplished, with your loot held high over your head in both hands as your run away squealing your famous squeal,
the look on your face if your sister dared to try to same thing,
the way you hug Maygee so hard the instant you see her as if to say "oh i've missed you",
the joy on your face when we open the back door and say yes you can go outside,
the speed at which you go as if we might change our minds,
the sight of you in that pink car and your sister pushing it, or washing it, lol you never know,

oh my love, see, didn't I tell you I could go on and on.  and on.  and on.  I love everything about you.  And I'm both overjoyed and appalled that you're growing so fast.

For your second year, I pray that God continues to bless you with joy and health.  I pray your bond with your sister only strengthens. And most importantly, I pray that as your mommy, I soak up every second.  Because each day you are a new little girl.  Something that you once did is no more and a new trait or habit has replaced it. You went from a baby to a toddler in a second.  I'm done with blinking.  Next time I do, you will no doubt be a little girl.  I'm not ok with that, so please, please, take it slow for this Momma.

All my love, Layla Grace

mommy    






Monday, May 14, 2012

a must must MUST read for every parent

Wow, this article really hit home with me.  I hope you will read it.


I make the mistake of thinking that Ella doesn't notice when I'm distracted with my phone or the laptop.  Who am I kidding?! This girl is smart, she sees and understands so much.  I remember one night we were all sitting in the game room upstairs and I was playing with my phone (probably on facebook or something of equal importance) and Ella was running around playing.  She came over, grabbed my phone and said "here mommy, why don't you let me hold this for you." She then put it on the floor.  I guess she thought about it a moment and picked it up, walked across the room and sat it down much much farther from me.  Shame on me!  My two year old had to take my phone away from me to make a point.  

Anyway, I doubt I'm the first mom to be distracted by my phone and other technology - tv, laptop, ipad, etc.  I know one thing is certain, my phone is staying in the kitchen all day/evening from here on out.  My kids shouldn't have to compete with facebook or sudoku or whatever else nonsense I can find to entertain myself with.  Let's be honest, Ella is entertainment enough!  Not to mention this other sweet little face that is practicing her smiles and giggles all day now.  God has blessed me abundantly, I don't want to neglect the gifts I've been given because I'm too distracted.



Happy Mother's Day

I've been a mother for two and a half years now - I realize this makes me quite the expert. Ha! While this year was not my first Mother's Day, it was certainly my first as a mommy of two. This year I realized something: I am much more aware of how blessed I am to have such an amazing mother and a wonderful mother-in-law.  God bless them both for all that they constantly do for us and our families!



My mom is more than just my mom - she is a wonderful wife to my Dad, an amazing sister, a selfless daughter, a humble leader at her church, and a loving teacher at her school. Some qualities I love about my mom include:

She sees the good in me and reminds me of that when I tend to focus on my flaws.

She is selfless with her time - she spends many hours taking care of other people, putting their needs above her own.  Not only did she take care of her father for many years, she is constantly tending to one of us or our kids.  She keeps Lily after school, which is probably Lily's favorite thing about going to school all together.  But what has made the biggest impact on me was after the birth of each of our daughters.  My mom took a week off of work and dedicated it to us.  She managed to be at my side at the hospital, while still taking care of our sweet Ella.  We came home to a clean house, a happy two year old, and a Grammie ready to help.  This adjustment would have been so much harder on Ella if not for my mom.  She spent countless hours playing with her in "her new room," giving her all the attention she needed.  And Grammie still managed to take care of me as I recovered from my c-section, help with Gracie, AND get up with Gracie and I in the middle of the night, ALL night.  And she did it all with a smile and a joyful spirit - I don't know how she does it, but I'm thankful still.

She praises us - she tells me often that I'm a good mother. This is something I value so much, because, like every first time mom, I sometimes doubt that.

She loves our babies and makes special time for them. This means the world to me.

She is one of my very best friends. I will always cherish the countless hours that my mom, sisters, and I have spent talking about everything from deep life issues to the silly issues we have, and everything in between. Some moments end in hugs and some end in more than one of us running to the bathroom because we are laughing so hard.

She gave me two precious sisters, also my very best friends. She taught us that having sisters is one of God's greatest blessings. You see, she also has the greatest sisters ever. I love to see my mom and her sisters having a good time together. I especially love when we all get to have "girls weekend" together. These ladies are so special to me and I am thankful that my mom taught us how to be a good sister.

But probably the thing I love and respect most about my mother is her habit of rising early to spend time with the Lord. If there is one trait that I want to copy from my mom, it would be her heart for God and her love for His word. I will always treasure the memories of waking up early in the morning to find my mom curled up with her Bible. Even at a young age, this was etched in my heart - when something is important to you, you make time for it. And reading God's Word is very important to my mom. So important that she begins her day that way. I want my girls to find me doing the same. I have a long way to go though. You see, I am not a morning person - at all. Just ask Nolan. He says that I can be a bit grumpy in the morning.  I know nothing about this (but I do know that he's awfully loud when I'm sleeping so I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. ;-) In the past, when I've tried waking up to read, I fall asleep reading. Not good at all. I used to set an alarm but never even make it out of bed. For the past three months, I haven't even set an alarm.  Gracie takes care of waking me up early enough, so waking up before my girls to read is not an easy feat.  So, like I said, I have a long way to go. But at least I have a good role model.

Mom, I love you dearly and am so thankful for the woman that you are.  I treasure the time that I get to spend with you and am blessed to watch you love our girls.



I am also one of those lucky women who has a wonderful mother-in-law. She has welcomed me into her family and loved me as her own daughter since day one.

I love many things about my mother-in-law, Heidi. My favorite has to be how excited she gets when she sees her grand babies. When Ella was a little baby, it would always startle her, but now, the excitement is mutual and I must say, it's pretty special to witness.  There is no doubt that she loves these girls so much.

Heidi is also a very selfless woman.  For as long as I've known her, she has always put others first.  She welcomes anyone into her home, taking care of each as though her own.  I've watched her care for her parents, her friends, and many family members with such a joyful attitude.

Probably the trait I envy the most is that Heidi is a "do-er," a finisher.  I am not. No doubt about this.  I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum.  I'm a great starter.  I get these wonderful ideas and go get all the stuff to make it and start out so enthusiastically.  And then for some reason or another, I never finish.  Nine times out of ten its because it was a whole lot harder than I expected, or far above my level of expertise.  I'm embarrassed to say how many of my ambitious projects that she has had to finish for me.  There's Ella's 1st birthday banner, Ella's big sister shirt, the curtain in Gracie's room, and so many more.  Not to mention the many things she always does around our house on the days that I work.  I will come home to find some random task, that I have put off doing for months, done - replacing an AC vent, a light bulb, organizing a cabinet - I'm a procrastinator.  Heidi gets things done.

And then there are the curtains in our living room - a true piece of art.  They deserve their own paragraph.  Heidi is an expert curtain maker.  I'm an expert pattern buyer.  I was looking for curtains for our living room and couldn't find anything I liked in my price range.  So I found a website that sold beautiful draperies - they were $300 a panel!  It's a good thing they sold the pattern to make them.  They claimed this project was for beginners.  I being the naive and ambitious girl that I am (bad combo by the way), decided that I was indeed a beginner and could likely figure it out.  What I didn't consider was that I didn't even know how to load the bobbin in my sewing machine.  (I'm certain that isn't even the correct terminology - see how "beginner" I am.)  I also didn't consider that I had never sewed anything before.  And yet somehow I thought I could sew floor to ceiling silk drapes for my windows, complete with fancy "tassel-y" things.  But Heidi knew better.  Somehow she managed to offer to sew these for me without ever making me feel like I was completely silly for even thinking I could do this.  It wasn't until they were all done and I had a few other failed sewing projects under my belt that I realized the hard work and detail these curtains required.  I don't even know how many hours she spent working on these things.  They are absolutely beautiful and I am so thankful that she worked so hard to make these for me.  Oh, not only did she make the curtains for me, but she also came over and helped me install the curtain rods and hang the curtains.  I know, I know, do something for yourself right!  Seriously, she is wonderful.

Heidi is also a woman who loves the Lord something fierce.  She studies the word so diligently and believes with all of her heart that she will see the ones she loves come to know Jesus.  God has rewarded her faith with several very special salvation stories.  I admire her faith very much.  She isn't one to preach at anyone, yet she shares what she believes with such love, gentleness, and kindness that others gladly listen to her.  She models her faith with her life, and this speaks louder than any sermon.

But the thing I am most thankful for (even more than the curtains!) is the man that Heidi raised.  When God brought Nolan into my life, I knew he was one of the rare special ones.  A man who actually knew how to treat a girl in a way that made her feel like a lady.  He is so good to me in so many ways.  He takes care of his girls and does whatever he feels is necessary to provide for and protect us.  You don't have to know my husband for very long to know that he has a good Momma!  In fact, when we were in the hospital with Gracie, we had one particular nurse who actually sought Heidi out and told her what a good job she did in raising him.  So, I don't think I've said this often enough, but thank you for raising such a wonderful son.  For showing him how to love his wife and his daughters.  This is one thing that I can never thank you enough for.


I realize that I am a lucky woman, a very BLESSED woman.  Not only did I get the privilege to grow up with an amazing Mom, I married a man who has a wonderful mother.  I have two very special ladies in my life.  Two wonderful examples of how to love the Lord above all else, how to love your husband, how to raise your children, how to serve your family, and how to love your friends.

Happy Mother's Day to you both.  May you feel as special today as you both make me feel every day.  I love you both very much.


And Happy Mother's Day to all the other special moms in my life...

For the woman who savors a backwards letter in childlike scrawl 
and secretly hopes “liberry” and “strawbabies” will never be pronounced correctly … 

For the woman who crawls on achy knees into her child’s tiny bunk bed to read stories and inhale his just-bathed scent  …

For the woman who would prefer a dandelion bouquet carried in a dirt-filled palm over a dozen red roses in a crystal vase …

For the woman who cries at the sight of her child and cannot explain why …

For the woman who feels her awkward bulges and morning breath slowly dissipate when a cherub voice says, “You’re so pretty, Mama” …

For the woman who is never at a loss for words when it comes to defending her child …

For the woman whose babies will never, ever become too heavy to carry …

Happy Mother's Day to you!
http://www.handsfreemama.com/ 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Date with Daddy in Aggieland

Ella was lucky enough to go on a date with Daddy to college station for the day.  She has been talking about going to college station for weeks now and has been so excited.  As an added bonus, her cousins Lily and Walker also came.  Ella had a blast being with outside all day with her Daddy!  I'm sad that Gracie and I missed it.


I'd say it was definitely a successful trip - she passed out the minute they got in the car to come home.

 


When I put Ella to bed that night I asked her "what was your favorite thing about today?"  
Her response - "Daddy" 
I'd say that was one good day.




Easter 2012